Updates…
The stats right now: 43,000 words; 85 pages (8.5” x 11”); permission to use Mary Oliver’s poems as epigraphs!
I think there is another 2,000-5,000 words left.
But, as I come closer to finishing this book, I’ve stepped away from it in the same way an artist backs away from the easel and takes some time to gain insight before diving in again.
It’s about perspective, and for this memoir it’s taking some weeks. Part of me hopes that the subconscious part of my brain is going to figure it out and I’ll have a Eureka moment and get it all out in one fell swoop. It’s unlikely, but I can hope!
In the time away, I wonder where this is going to land. What will the last sentence be? Will it have the impact that a last sentence should have? Will readers turn the last page and feel satisfied that the story resolved? What if my feelings evolve after I’ve finished this? Will that make my story less true?
The last chapters are, for me, very intimidating for all the questions I still don’t have answers to. And while I have a feeling about how it should end, that feeling hasn’t yet formed words, and I’ve been struggling to write it. On top of that is the never-ending cacophony of noise. All the things we have to pay attention to all the time. The internet culture wars, the actual wars, inflation, gas prices, climate change, disease, politics, divisiveness. It’s hard to focus when your mind is getting constantly bombarded with everything that’s wrong in the world. So, I’m giving myself a little grace in the face of all that.
So, again, I stepped away and at the same time, picked up a paint brush!
I chose another creative outlet and another challenge. An oil painting on a medium sized canvas. A paint I’ve never used before and a canvas larger than any I’ve painted on. Much in the same vein as writing a memoir for the first time…a format I’ve never done, and more words than I’ve ever written. I feel an emerging pattern here!
I like a challenge. And I like trying new things.
The painting, unlike the the memoir, is nearly done and I have a clear vision of what it will look like. There are moments within it that I just love and I’m extremely proud of them. After all, I’m a beginner at this and it looks the way I wanted.
Oil paint has a reputation of being difficult and that mistakes are hard to fix and that it takes a long time to dry. So far with this experience, I haven’t really found it to be any more difficult than any other paint medium. Painting is just hard in general.
On top of painting, my days are pretty ordinary. From here in my kitchen, as I’m writing this, I’m listening to the birds sing after a gentle rain, and I see the lavender blossoms on the back stairs that are ready to be cut. My coffee is a day old and I had a three-day-old country sourdough for breakfast. And, of course, Lily is right here by my feet, laying on one of my sneakers that she brought from upstairs where the laundry is ready to come out of the dryer.
These are what my days look like. And I love them!
I’m six months away from my manufactured deadline, and even with taking breaks, and oil painting in the meantime, I’m sure I am still on schedule to finish by December.
